[Dekay]

Gb you owe me a monitor I just spluttered cider all over it proper funny that and grow up its a 3 year old thing this fascination, aw I just farted and no one heard, is that like a tree falling or is it all about the smell mate

[Dekay]

The Unknown Assailants are always canny. I've made a person so disgusted that they shouted in the aisle in Asda, "JESUS CHRIST". It's moments like that which make shopping bearable.

 

The boot was on the other foot when shopping another time. Standing in the queue I noticed a little old lady making her way up n down the queue as if looking for a way in. The brits did the brit thing and bunched together a bit so she had to go to the back So she walks up, looks at me with a glint inher eye, cocks her leg, farts and wanders away.

 

Little old lady 1 - WB 0

 

I farted in supermarket and before it smelt told my daughter off very loudly and publicly, this was an important lesson I believe for her in how the person with least money always gets the blame. 

[Dekay]

Shame again we dont have smellivision on the site I think you all agree we settle it then

[mrsDeeks]

OMG @hazed bunny what did we say about smellovision

[Dekay]

I have proper laughed tonight not just lol but its my turn ....my names dekay I have a problem I am a fartaholic.

[wonkeydonkeymonster]

I got power, i Can blow someone's hat off at 20 paces no prob but no stench behind it[emoji17] so I guess you can say there all bark no bite. . . Different story after a night out tho.

I think my grandad had the worst smell I ever encountered, closely followed by the dog.

[hazed bunny]

OMG @hazed bunny what did we say about smellovision

haha we did would be cool to smell others weed. Although with a site full of men would not be long before they turned that disgusting

[The Dude Abides]

I thought I was pretty devastating fart wise but there's this bloke in southern Algeria, well there was in 1985.

 

I was on a rickety bus going off piste in the Sahara desert, it was night and everyone was trying to get some sleep, we all had blankets wrapped around our faces cos there was a dust/sand storm going on outside.

 

I was awoken by a scream (there were only men on the bus), wtf thinks Dude, then I smelt it and almost vomited on the spot.

 

The driver got a wiff and bought the bus to a sliding stop, we all piled out into the raging sandstorm but the smell seemed to linger in the blankets wrapped round my face.

 

Never did find out who was responsible.

 

All good things

 TDA

[WanderinBloke]

Is there anything worse than the vomit inducing smell of someone else's over-ripe fart? Possibly, but I don't tihnk science has weaponised it yet so we don't have to worry too much. If science does ever get round to that they'd do well to meet up with my pal Brad*.

 

In the car with him one cold winter's day; he's driving, the music is blaring, the sun is shining. We'd been blazing some cheap soap bar, we were nicely fried and the world was our oyster. Until I was grabbed by the throat by a stench that could only have been dredged up from the bowels of hell. I actually retched. While I scrabbled to roll down the window all Brad could do was laugh. He seemed to enjoy that smell, the filthy bastard.

 

So yeah, science, want to weaponise farts? My mate Brad's your man.

 

 

 

 

 

 

*names have not been changed. just in case it's him, avoid all Brads.

Edited by WanderinBloke, 01 August 2015 - 12:00 AM.

[Dekay]

See this is the thing with me I do enjoy most of my farts but sometimes its like fuck surely I need a doctor but then my 8 year old does the same smell and the bad feelings go away, I come from a long line of farty people though who all lived long and smelly lives, and have had two relatives who lived to nearly 100, you dont want to smell a hundred year olds farts if you can help it.

Now I would be more worried if I wasnt farting.