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FROG BLOG 2017

with farty bits slippers cows and toads and other farty stuff

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#1 The Dude Abides

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Posted 17 May 2017 - 09:35 PM

Hi folks and welcome to this years Frog Blog.

 

For any newcomers I'm a Londoner that runs a guest house in France for the summer, I also try to grow some decent weed whilst I'm here.

 

I mostly grow outdoors but I have a purpose built groom in an outhouse to start them off and sometimes use it to finish the plants if the weather gets shitty.

 

My groom is called the Orgasmatron, here's an explanation.

 

 

The Sleeper is a great film, a little dated (early 70's) but well worth a watch.

 

Anyway I digress, I'm over here in Normandy, just about opposite Jersey (you can see it on the UK weather forecasts), slightly warmer winters but rarely as hot as London in the summer, not the ideal climate for growing outdoor weed but I usually manage to pull something.

 

My main problems this year will be, as follows:

 

My back is fucked, just visited a French Osteopath and he said "vous est fucked", he took one look at the MRI scan I'd bought with me from the UK, then declined to manipulate anything in case he made it worse, only solution is gentle exercise, muscle relaxing and pain killing drugs.

 

Which fortuitously suits my lifestyle exactly, work takes twice as long but I've usually got time on my hands, weed is good for the muscle relaxing and the copious amounts of vin rouge that I drink is a pretty good painkiller, not mention the Ricard (Pastis).

 

I've got literally hundreds of seeds over here but everything I have tried to germinate has failed (drop in a glass of water and when sinks pop it in a wet paper towel in Tupperware tub on the digi box and Bob's your uncle), about 5 different strains so far, finally one poked her(?) root out, a Dinafem OG Kush fem, she's sunning herself under a 125w CFL in the Orgasmatron as we speak, times are 24/0 cos I can't be bothered to set the timer.

 

Here's some pics.

 

med_gallery_27_7_1301023.jpg

 

 

The Orgasmatron in all it's glory, cobbled together from bits hanging around, Mylar inside, 2 fans, 5in bathroom fan extract, passive intake, 1.1 x 0.9 x 2.5, so a square metre with plenty of height basically.

 

 

med_gallery_27_7_352620.jpg

 

 

The cats were over wintering in the Orgasmatron , always laughing these three.

 

 

med_gallery_27_7_274912.jpg

 

 

So I evicted them

 

 

med_gallery_27_7_948033.jpg

 

 

Here's my beauty, wobbling around nicely under the CFL and a small fan caressing her.

 

 

 

med_gallery_27_7_1884320.jpg

 

 

See what I mean?

 

 

med_gallery_27_7_374650.jpg

 

 

Oh yeah.

 

 

med_gallery_27_7_412843.jpg

 

 

This my front door, not been painted since 1952 according to the neighbour, I'm a painter and decorator so should get it sorted in the next 20 yrs or so.

 

The triangular hole in the wall to the right of the door contains a nest of Blue tits, one baby fell out so I put it back and put a tea towel on the floor below to protect it if it fell again.

 

 

med_gallery_27_7_514293.jpg

 

 

It did fall out again so I put it back in, maybe it's parents or siblings don't like it? Looks OK to me. Done a shit on my tea towel though.

 

 

med_gallery_27_7_1709667.jpg

 

 

The neighbours popped over for an aperitif, I stroll onto the patio with my vape and they come running, they've also eaten about 50% of my hemerocalis (day lilies), they get bored munching grass and always come to greet me if I talk sexy to them.

 

Just as well they don't drink pastis or calvados, my bullfighting skills are not what they were.

 

Duke is sending me some more beans so hopefully this won't be a one horse race.

 

Thanks for looking in, as you know I reply to every comment and look forward to your comments, criticisms, constructive commentary  and farty stuff.

 

All good things

 TDA


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#2 Chew

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Posted 17 May 2017 - 09:43 PM

Nice one mate. Subbed up :)

You wanna get some 5:1 Bio Bombs up your dirt box mate. I think you'll be surprised how much they help with pain...
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#3 duke

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Posted 17 May 2017 - 10:06 PM

hi dude well about time i say!i like the og kush dinafem do good breeding imo and i have a keeper mum in my veg cab.i shall follow along its good to see the cats looking so well.

as chew said the oil might help the pain along with painkillers and vino and a good pipe and learning to limit lifting to as little and rarely as possible helps a bit but as tina has found you no better of after surgery and maybe best without,peace


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#4 The Dude Abides

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Posted 17 May 2017 - 11:38 PM

Nice one mate. Subbed up :)

You wanna get some 5:1 Bio Bombs up your dirt box mate. I think you'll be surprised how much they help with pain...

 

 

I've got plenty of cured weed and a gallon of ISO, so may try the bum thing, I'll check out yours and Duke's medical threads, mon the suppositories.

 

Cheers Chew.

 

 

hi dude well about time i say!i like the og kush dinafem do good breeding imo and i have a keeper mum in my veg cab.i shall follow along its good to see the cats looking so well.

as chew said the oil might help the pain along with painkillers and vino and a good pipe and learning to limit lifting to as little and rarely as possible helps a bit but as tina has found you no better of after surgery and maybe best without,peace

 

Cats are sweet, have to go La Poste tomorrow to see if your gift has arrived, managing the pain with vino, OK but got no appetite, hardly eating anything, nearly as skinny as you, farts are pretty good though.

 

All good things

 TDA


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#5 Dutchy

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Posted 17 May 2017 - 11:59 PM

Great thread TDA, hope the two babies make it, have my daughter every other weekend but when she goes to uni ( 2 years) I'm doing one, the lifestyle appeals, spain I think though , some where sunny good for growing where I can slip into my twilight stoned  :)


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#6 Dekay

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 12:00 AM

Cannot believe you mentioned my brand new door had not been painted now man tut tut lol, a passport, wine, weed I will come paint it for you in a jiffy, might take 4 weeks though on day rate (4 bottles of wine and weed infinity)... red wine I stop drinking that over winter when the orgasmatron is out of action but its the grow room not the grower I come to see man that grow room is sexy with a name like that, I bet its like a 30 second wank lights on and full of plants but I sidetracked damn you oil, oh yeah stella serves me well but I feel like a classy drunk shouting at the chavs out back when I got a glass of red wine so welcome back une dude, bet you so glad I here for that bit of je ne sais quoi, fuck knows what I saying man but have a drink on me.


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#7 Petal

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 07:20 AM

Oh just lovely, thanks Dude.

 

Good to see the cats, really like the door, love the baby tit and so glad you looking after the little one. Cows are looking good.

 

All the best with your grow and hope you get some good beans.

 

All the best with your back. :joint:


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#8 Forest

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 08:34 AM

nice to see the blog back up again time goes so fast , hey what do you say thats sexy talk  to the cows? i ask cos as you know we have cows everywhere here and i believe there are french/or sth else one cos they dont respond to my sexy talk 


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#9 The Dude Abides

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:34 PM

Great thread TDA, hope the two babies make it, have my daughter every other weekend but when she goes to uni ( 2 years) I'm doing one, the lifestyle appeals, spain I think though , some where sunny good for growing where I can slip into my twilight stoned  :)

 

 

Cheers Dutchy and welcome aboard, my son is at Uni and comes over with some friends to lend a hand and smoke all my weed.

 

It's lovely here, really peaceful, the weather's not great but I'm not really a sun and heat person, 25C is plenty hot enough for me.

 

 

Cannot believe you mentioned my brand new door had not been painted now man tut tut lol, a passport, wine, weed I will come paint it for you in a jiffy, might take 4 weeks though on day rate (4 bottles of wine and weed infinity)... red wine I stop drinking that over winter when the orgasmatron is out of action but its the grow room not the grower I come to see man that grow room is sexy with a name like that, I bet its like a 30 second wank lights on and full of plants but I sidetracked damn you oil, oh yeah stella serves me well but I feel like a classy drunk shouting at the chavs out back when I got a glass of red wine so welcome back une dude, bet you so glad I here for that bit of je ne sais quoi, fuck knows what I saying man but have a drink on me.

 

 

Hi Deeks, I'll leave the door painting to you then.

 

I'm not really a wine buff, just buy a 5lt box from the supermarket (every day lol).

 

I do enjoy my time in the Orgasmatron, spend hours in there checking for light leaks, well that's my excuse anyways.

 

 

Oh just lovely, thanks Dude.

 

Good to see the cats, really like the door, love the baby tit and so glad you looking after the little one. Cows are looking good.

 

All the best with your grow and hope you get some good beans.

 

All the best with your back. :joint:

 

 

Thanks Petal, the tit seems OK now, not fallen out again, luckily I have 2 front doors so can avoid disturbing them too much.

 

Hope you and Lucy are well, cats send their love, as do I.

 

 

nice to see the blog back up again time goes so fast , hey what do you say thats sexy talk  to the cows? i ask cos as you know we have cows everywhere here and i believe there are french/or sth else one cos they dont respond to my sexy talk 

 

 

Hi Forest and it's good to be back up and running again, I love growing weed.

 

As for the cows, just whisper sweet nothings in their ear, left one works best.

 

 

Thanks for looking in folks.

 

All good things

 TDA


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#10 Marc

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:49 PM

Hi Dude,

 

Are your cats fighting? Or is that just frolicking?

Anyway, next doors cat has dug my seedlings up I planted in the borders just so they can shit in there.

I'd keep an eye on your cats, wouldn't let them anywhere near that orgasmatron with the youngun growing.

There'll be soil all up the walls and a pile of cat shit in the pot if this fucker next door is anything to go by.

 

Maybe they're fighting over who gets to shit in your pot?

 

That aside, where's the slipper shots?

 

Hope France treats you well, interesting times for them politically. 

:)


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#11 The Dude Abides

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 03:55 PM

Hi Dude,

 

Are your cats fighting? Or is that just frolicking?

Anyway, next doors cat has dug my seedlings up I planted in the borders just so they can shit in there.

I'd keep an eye on your cats, wouldn't let them anywhere near that orgasmatron with the youngun growing.

There'll be soil all up the walls and a pile of cat shit in the pot if this fucker next door is anything to go by.

 

Maybe they're fighting over who gets to shit in your pot?

 

That aside, where's the slipper shots?

 

Hope France treats you well, interesting times for them politically. 

:)

 

Hi Marc, the cats were having sex when I interrupted them.

 

They do do the occasional do do but it's mummified so doesn't smell.

 

Don't know what came over me forgetting the slipper shot, I'll remedy that toute suite.

 

 

Had a package from Duke today so hopefully the youngun will have some sisters to play with soon.

 

All good things

 TDA


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#12 Mrs Willy

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 08:52 PM

Excellent dude. That back of yours needs an ipad or summat. Hope you feel better soon. have you been to chiro practors? they worked wonders for my neice. They just snapped her back and pressed on some bones or summat.

 

Is there 3 cats in there? Is this a new addition. It looks a bit fresher than the other two. Is it a 2015 vintage? Does it smell of fish yet?

 

You should have whacked that tiny chicken with a mallet and put it out of its misery. Its obvious that the mum is chucking it out and does not want it.

So dont prolong its agony. To a bird that size, its like us being chucked off a cliff every day. You could also just gas the nest with your farts and kill the obviously evil mother bird. In fact that is my recommendation. You can use a halfords oil funnel to direct the boff into that hole. I think there is a thread about it in the DIY section on here.

 

Ahh the cows, the cows.  Cows are very photogenic. You can see exactly what they are thinking.  Caption Competition...."give me some of that leg of lamb you are chewing you fat old tw@, and a glug on that vino wouldnt go amiss either ya tight cunt." :lol:

 

Do not paint that door! Think about it darling. It has its own look and compliments the atmosphere of the property. When it stops functioning as a door and rots. then maybe time to repair it, or cover any rotting areas with a winmau dartboard.  Naturally worn look means you dont have to put any effort in and can relish in drinking rouge and smoking ganja instead. If woodworm develops, just fart over it to kill it all off. Letting a few guffs go in your backgarden every week should keep a significant area of normandy pest free for a few months.

 

And yes marc, quite right to pull him up on the lack of slipper shots. I forget way too often myself.  But the forum paid Dude £94,358 to be the slipper mod on here last year. It is a bit like Mr Kipling forgetting to bake the cakes. This puts the recent contract renewal in some serious doubt. Thankfully there is a practice what you preach clause in the contract, which means .. if he does it again, we can demand a full roast pig and accommodation for 3 nights free of charge for all members whos username begins with an M.

 

So thats me, you , MDS, Mrs deeks, mellowed, miss ginger and probably more i can remember. With dude as the butler. That should be an interesting weekend.

 

Subbed.

 

 

 

 


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#13 The Dude Abides

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 10:15 PM

Excellent dude. That back of yours needs an ipad or summat. Hope you feel better soon. have you been to chiro practors? they worked wonders for my neice. They just snapped her back and pressed on some bones or summat.

 

Is there 3 cats in there? Is this a new addition. It looks a bit fresher than the other two. Is it a 2015 vintage? Does it smell of fish yet?

 

You should have whacked that tiny chicken with a mallet and put it out of its misery. Its obvious that the mum is chucking it out and does not want it.

So dont prolong its agony. To a bird that size, its like us being chucked off a cliff every day. You could also just gas the nest with your farts and kill the obviously evil mother bird. In fact that is my recommendation. You can use a halfords oil funnel to direct the boff into that hole. I think there is a thread about it in the DIY section on here.

 

Ahh the cows, the cows.  Cows are very photogenic. You can see exactly what they are thinking.  Caption Competition...."give me some of that leg of lamb you are chewing you fat old tw@, and a glug on that vino wouldnt go amiss either ya tight cunt." :lol:

 

Do not paint that door! Think about it darling. It has its own look and compliments the atmosphere of the property. When it stops functioning as a door and rots. then maybe time to repair it, or cover any rotting areas with a winmau dartboard.  Naturally worn look means you dont have to put any effort in and can relish in drinking rouge and smoking ganja instead. If woodworm develops, just fart over it to kill it all off. Letting a few guffs go in your backgarden every week should keep a significant area of normandy pest free for a few months.

 

And yes marc, quite right to pull him up on the lack of slipper shots. I forget way too often myself.  But the forum paid Dude £94,358 to be the slipper mod on here last year. It is a bit like Mr Kipling forgetting to bake the cakes. This puts the recent contract renewal in some serious doubt. Thankfully there is a practice what you preach clause in the contract, which means .. if he does it again, we can demand a full roast pig and accommodation for 3 nights free of charge for all members whos username begins with an M.

 

So thats me, you , MDS, Mrs deeks, mellowed, miss ginger and probably more i can remember. With dude as the butler. That should be an interesting weekend.

 

Subbed.

 

Thanks Darling, well where do I start?

 

The back will have to wait and see, I'd sooner have a cow treading on it than go to a chiropractor though.

 

As for the cats, the 'new' edition arrived last year, remember? He/she has no head though, not as photogenic if you know what I mean.

 

The tiny chicken is alive and well living in the wall (imagine living in Dude's wall?). I will defend it and it's siblings from all the jays, magpies, weasels and moles to the death. I know moles don't raid birds nests but I just don't like them, bastards.

 

The cows are so lovely, I love them, a lot.

 

I thinks Deeks is looking after the door. I'm looking after the vin rouge, lots of it.

 

Finally the slipper shot thing, just a slip, not dementia or buttock scraping, I'll remedy that right now.

 

 

 

med_gallery_27_7_138801.jpg

 

 

 

There you go, not pristine I'll admit but better than my emergency back up pair.

 

 

 

med_gallery_27_7_949047.jpg

 

 

Just got this in La Poste, far out man, cheers Duke.

 

I always think one plant looks lonely, hope mine has lots of sisters soon.

 

Tune in for the next update when I've decided what to grow, or try to grow anyway.

 

I'm vaped, my brain is melting, in a good way though.

 

All good things

 TDA


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#14 Dutchy

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 10:57 PM

Nice one Duke, :) ,talking about putting the heifert in

 


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#15 Dekay

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 11:06 PM

Nice one Duke, :) ,talking about putting the heifert in

 

 

:rvmp: oh man I have tears in my eyes that was my first pet cow back in the 70s, she often spoke to me in that unmistakingly beautiful voice, shame we had to eat her but we were poor back then and laughs didnt fill stomachs quite so well as beef in red wine, minus the red wine, I never manage to get it into a meal and always end up pissed before I have cooked the meat but anyway thats enough reminiscing about the good ole days.


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#16 duke

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Posted 20 May 2017 - 09:58 AM


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#17 The Dude Abides

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Posted 22 May 2017 - 10:18 PM

My cows speak French, they are good to eat though especially with red wine and horseradish sauce (you can't get that over here so have to bring that, and Marmite from UK).

 

Got 4 of Dukes seeds sitting on the digibox in this, you can see I've used it before, quite a few times, always sterilise it between attempts though.

 

So we're going for 2 RQS Critical, 1 Barneys Vanilla Kush, and 1 Dr Krippling Choco matic, far out man.

 

Might have a problem with Duke's favourite VK, Jackball tried and failed to germinate any from 2 separate 5 packs, I may try farting in it's general direction.

 

 

med_gallery_27_7_401229.jpg

 

 

Roses around the door, how typically English (and French)

 

Not painted it yet.

 

 

med_gallery_27_7_1978736.jpg

 

 

My grapevine, looking good, it's only 2 years old and already setting good fruits, just for eating though, not wine grapes.

 

 

med_gallery_27_7_876384.jpg

 

 

4 types of lettuce on the go, keeps the escargot happy at least.

 

 

med_gallery_27_7_205595.jpg

 

 

Cherry tomatoes, they love this south facing wall and will produce well later. The weed lives next to them when it comes out of the Orgasmatron.

 

 

med_gallery_27_7_1426274.jpg

 

 

One of the tidier parts of the garden, my private bit.

 

 

med_gallery_27_7_1026174.jpg

 

 

 

The English guests have just left, they loved it here, nice enough folk, I try to keep at arms length so they can enjoy their holiday (except for the nude Kraut sunbathers).

 

I'm not a big dog fan (except Mr Fugly and Gizmo) but they had a Saluki, Whippet cross and it was a fabulous animal, totally disobedient but a lovely nature, got on great with me and the cows and their 18 month old grandson.

 

Got some more Frenchies coming on Thursday and I'm struggling to get the place clean on time, finding it hard to stand (or sit) for more than 10 minutes at a time, grass needs cutting again as well, not sure if my back will last the season, fortunately the Orgasmatron is within crawling distance.

 

Hope your grows are going well and your farts have a pleasant smell.

 

All good things

 TDA

 

 

 


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#18 Forest

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Posted 22 May 2017 - 10:32 PM

sorry to here you struggling  with you back m8 ,  love the pics look awesome in your little french paradise m8 

 

i like to suggest  a ride on one of those nice cows, im sure it  would sort your back out  ;)

 

more slippers !!!!! sigh,,,, it comes to sth when you have to ask the highly paid slipper mod to add more slippers  ...... booooooooo


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#19 Dekay

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Posted 22 May 2017 - 10:57 PM

S'il vous plaît puis-je avoir un verre de vin et un paquet de biscuits

There thats all the proof I could survive in France now get me over and I will paint doors, mow lawns, and rub your back from a distance with a boxing glove on a stick.


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#20 The Dude Abides

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Posted 22 May 2017 - 11:41 PM

sorry to here you struggling  with you back m8 ,  love the pics look awesome in your little french paradise m8 

 

i like to suggest  a ride on one of those nice cows, im sure it  would sort your back out  ;)

 

more slippers !!!!! sigh,,,, it comes to sth when you have to ask the highly paid slipper mod to add more slippers  ...... booooooooo

 

 

It has crossed my mind to try a bit of rodeo with them, yee ha, waving my hat in the air but unfortunately I've only got a Panama hat, you got a sombrero that I could borrow?

 

Errm, I did put a slpper shot in the first pic, just to be sure, I may not vote for Jeremy Corbyn this time cos my slipper mod status may take me over the £85,000 a year personal tax allowance.

 

Free holiday is still on the cards if you and Mrs Forest get your passports together (providing your lumberjack skills are still on offer).

 

 

S'il vous plaît puis-je avoir un verre de vin et un paquet de biscuits

There thats all the proof I could survive in France now get me over and I will paint doors, mow lawns, and rub your back from a distance with a boxing glove on a stick.

 

 

Bien sur mon ami.

 

That's a tempting offer, I've already got a stick and plenty of biscuits, just bring a decent paintbrush (Hamiltons Perfection) and a toothbrush (for the fiddly bits), do you prefer the left hand drive lawnmower or the farty one?

 

 

All good things

 TDA


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