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#11 hazed bunny

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Posted 19 May 2014 - 09:45 AM

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night.They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.'The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting.Again, there was no response.Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad.''Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire.There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.Half an hour passed.When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can wrap his dick around himself twice and then stick it in his ear.
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#12 hazed bunny

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Posted 21 May 2014 - 05:13 AM

Hello ?? Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is mommy near the phone? No, daddy. Shes upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul. After a brief pause, daddy say but honey you dont have an Uncle Paul. Oh yes I do, & hes upstairs in the room with mommy right now.Brief pause. Uh ok then I want you to put the phone down & run upstairs & knock on the door & shout to mommy that daddys car just pulled up. Ok daddy just a min. A few min later the lil girl comes back to the phone. I did it daddy. And what happened honey? Well mommy got scared, jumped outta bed naked & ran round screamin then tripped on the rug, hit her head on the dresser & now she isnt movin at all! OMG!!! What bout your uncle paul ?? He jumped outta the back window into the pool. But I guess he didnt know you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of it & I think hes dead!Real long pause !! Then daddy says, Swimmin pool ?? Is this 353-86-2000051 ??Lil girl says No I think you have the wrong number !!
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#13 marque08

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Posted 21 May 2014 - 05:33 PM

bunny you should write a joke book

#14 hazed bunny

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Posted 22 May 2014 - 09:26 AM

bunny you should write a joke book

lol its all copy and paste lol

#15 hazed bunny

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Posted 22 May 2014 - 09:26 AM

I caught my 7yr old son about 2 steal a biscuit from the cupboard, Oi I said, I wouldn't do that if I was u son. He said, no, but you'd put your cock in Auntie Sarah's arse while Mum was at work, wouldn't u?. I said, There's some chocolate ones in the fridge son, take 2
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#16 hazed bunny

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Posted 22 May 2014 - 09:50 PM

woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. The boyfriend agrees.
The bartender brings the drink and puts a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys and a shot of lime juice on the bar. He puts the salt on his tongue... salty but okay. He drinks the shot of Baileys and holds it in his mouth... smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks, "this is okay." Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.
In one second the sharp lime taste hits... At two seconds the Baileys curdles... At three seconds the salty, curdled taste and mucous-like consistency hits... At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot. This triggers his gag reflex but, being manly and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink.
When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend and says, "Jesus! What do you call that drink?"
She smiles widely at him and says, "Blow Job Revenge."


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#17 Guest_icon_*

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Posted 23 May 2014 - 02:49 AM

A German goes into a bar and orders three of the strongest schnapps he downs them all and leaves. After a few weeks of this happening every sat the bar man ask what it's in aid of. The German replies it's a tribute to my two brothers and myself I was the only survivor from a car crash we had. The fellow never missed a day for over six years. Suddenly one day he only orders two, he continues to do this for the next few weeks eventually the bar man says can I ask why you only order two now. Oh yes my friend I gave up drinking.......
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#18 hazed bunny

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Posted 24 May 2014 - 11:39 PM

A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some."Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?"Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"
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#19 Scoobs

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Posted 25 May 2014 - 12:13 AM

I got burgled last nite!..the fuckers only took my front door!..police say its an open&shut case😁
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#20 Earwig

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Posted 27 May 2014 - 07:58 PM

What's the difference between a clever midget and VD? One's a cunning runt....
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