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#21 hazed bunny

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Posted 28 May 2014 - 10:29 AM

I was feeling horny so I rang up a bird I know for a bit of phone sex.As she answered I said, "Tell me you're not wearing any knickers."She said, "I actually am not wearing any knickers."I said, "Mmm yeah, tell me what you're doing."She replied, "Just having a shit."
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#22 hazed bunny

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Posted 28 May 2014 - 10:30 AM

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.""Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."Well, now, not so fast," said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?""Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course.A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way,what's in the other bag?""Not everybody pays."
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#23 hazed bunny

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Posted 31 May 2014 - 11:33 PM

Little Johnny asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom and she said yes. When he went to wipe his backside, there was no toilet paper so he used his hand.When he got back to class, his Teacher asked, "What do you have in your hand?"Little Johnny said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."He was then sent to the principals office and the Principal asked him, "What do you have in your hand?"So, Little Johnny said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."He was sent home and his Mum asked him, "What do you have in your hand?"Little Johnny said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away."He was then sent to his room and told to stay there till his Dad came home. His dad came home, went upstairs and said to Little Johnny, "What do you have in your hand?"So again Little Johnny said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he get scared away."Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, "Open your hand!"Little Johnny opened his hand and said, "Look Dad you scared the shit out of him!
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#24 hazed bunny

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Posted 31 May 2014 - 11:39 PM

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I screwed a girl called Penny. Is that spooky or what?
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#25 Scoobs

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Posted 01 June 2014 - 12:27 AM

A blind man walks into a bar....&a table&a chair😁
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#26 hazed bunny

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Posted 12 June 2014 - 08:30 AM

The wife came out of the bathroom after her shower, stark naked and walked into the bedroom. She said to me "Babe, shut the curtains, I don't want the neighbours to see me naked".
"don't worry" I replied, "if the neighbours see you naked, they'll pull their own f**kin curtains!"


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#27 hazed bunny

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Posted 12 June 2014 - 08:31 AM

paddy shows a blonde girl the L&R lables in his wellies explaining LEFT&RIGHT oh she says; that explains the C&A lable in my thong!!


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#28 hazed bunny

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Posted 12 June 2014 - 08:34 AM

in the morning Tom calls to his boss:
- Good morning, boss, unfortunately I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my both hands and legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."
The boss replies:
- You know Tom, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that.
2 hours later Bob calls:
- Boss, I followed your advise, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house.


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#29 hazed bunny

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Posted 12 June 2014 - 08:35 AM

One day during the family lunch the youngest son Paul asks his father:
- Daddy, what is the difference between potential and reality?

Daddy turns to his wife and gives her a question: 
- Would you sleep with George Clooney for 1 million $?
- Certainly, I would never waste such opportunity, - tells the wife

Daddy turns to his teenage daughter: 
- Maria, would you sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million $?
- Surely! He is my fantasy, his posters are all over the walls of my room.

Daddy turns to his eldest son Raul and asks: 
- Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million $!
Eldest son thinks a little and replies: 
- Why not? Imagine what I could do with that money. So yes, I would sleep.

Then daddy turns back to his youngest son Paul and explains him: 
- You see, Paul, potentially we are sitting with multi millionaires but in reality we are sitting with two prostitutes and one gay…


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#30 Anonymiss

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Posted 12 June 2014 - 02:24 PM

What's brown and ryhmes with snoop?

 

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