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Dude finds God.

with farty bits

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#1 The Dude Abides

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Posted 07 April 2018 - 01:13 PM

Hi folks, as some of you may know I suffered a recent health scare, thought I was going to die.

 

Yesterday I was sitting on the toilet waiting for something to happen, no turd, no farts, my guts are still recovering after my illness.

 

Anyway, I'm sitting there contemplating life the universe and everything when I hear a small voice coming from under the soft close toilet seat.

 

On closer inspection I saw what I thought was a woodlouse sitting between the toilet seat and the lid.

 

I whipped out my 40x loupe and it was a woodlouse but with a human head ( a bit like in that movie The Fly).

 

He said to me, yes it was a he, you could tell by the beard, "I've been waiting for you Dude".

 

A bit taken aback I replied "But I'm an atheist".

 

He said " I know, nobody's perfect".

 

So I flushed him down the loo.

 

All good things

 TDA


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#2 Chew

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Posted 07 April 2018 - 01:23 PM

Hi folks, as some of you may know I suffered a recent health scare, thought I was going to die.

 

Yesterday I was sitting on the toilet waiting for something to happen, no turd, no farts, my guts are still recovering after my illness.

 

Anyway, I'm sitting there contemplating life the universe and everything when I hear a small voice coming from under the soft close toilet seat.

 

On closer inspection I saw what I thought was a woodlouse sitting between the toilet seat and the lid.

 

I whipped out my 40x loupe and it was a woodlouse but with a human head ( a bit like in that movie The Fly).

 

He said to me, yes it was a he, you could tell by the beard, "I've been waiting for you Dude".

 

A bit taken aback I replied "But I'm an atheist".

 

He said " I know, nobody's perfect".

 

So I flushed him down the loo.

 

All good things

 TDA

Definitely the right course of action :)  


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#3 Horse Badorties

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Posted 07 April 2018 - 02:01 PM

Simple explanation for that, especially since you mention not having had any farts...it's a well known medical condition, Suppressed Infartacation, or in Latin layman's terms Holdus Farticus. It has been know to cause mystical hallucinations involving talking woodlice, but in most instances the introduction begins with "I am Farticus!" Did he try to slash your nutsack with a little sword before you flushed him? I hope you've had a proper dump since.

 

AGT

 

HB


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#4 Slippery

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Posted 08 April 2018 - 08:55 AM

Was he doing something there or just hanging around, it could be God or it could just be idol ;)


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#5 The Dude Abides

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Posted 08 April 2018 - 09:10 AM

Woke up this morning

 

Woke up this morning ooooo

 

and the bastard was back

 

Got a bad bad feeling

 

He's after my nutsack.

 

 

God works in mysterious ways

 

God works in mysterious ways ooooo

 

must have swum round the U bend

 

If he tries all that talking again

 

I'll ignore all he says.

 

 

I've got the old omnipresent blues this morning, now where did I put that Bug Off?

 

All good things

 TDA

 

 

 


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#6 The Dude Abides

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Posted 11 April 2018 - 04:10 PM

Managed to get a pic of him, you can just make out his beard if you look closely.

 

 

4884874833_e0b8678a49_b.jpg

 

 

All good things

 TDA


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#7 Horse Badorties

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Posted 11 April 2018 - 06:27 PM

He can't be god, he isn't wearing slippers.

 

:)

 

Probably ready to go to work...


 


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#8 Horse Badorties

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Posted 11 April 2018 - 06:51 PM

Then he should have his steel toecaps on.  ;)

 

(video won't load, presume it's geo restricted)

They're probably sitting by the door B)  Too bad on the song, dang buggy utoob...


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#9 no1

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Posted 11 April 2018 - 07:46 PM

Managed to get a pic of him, you can just make out his beard if you look closely.

 

 

4884874833_e0b8678a49_b.jpg

 

 

All good things

 TDA

 

 

 

Dude . . . looks to be an extremely large case of crab, they're cheaper by the dozen.        :wacko:


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#10 Dekay

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Posted 12 April 2018 - 12:42 AM

You are mistaken of course god is a black hole but if talking to bugs is your thing now as you suffer alcohol withdrawal then so be it, I use to imagine beer in the shed, where I had hidden some for emergencies, could even taste it if I went in shed :P 


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