[The Dude Abides]

Back in 2002 I was crossing the English Channel on a Brittany Ferries ship, it was a really rough crossing, the ship was heaving and yawing like a roller coaster.

 

I was propping up the bar as usual quoffing vin rouge, I don't get seasick, the toilets were full of folk throwing up, vomit sloshing everywhere.

 

Needing a pee I wandered in there and whilst peeing let off this tremendous fart, the stench was unbelievable.

 

Everyone stopped vomiting and vacated the toilet within seconds, including me.

 

Back at the bar I could hear people saying, "did you smell that fart above the vomit smell, I just had to get out".

 

That was one of my best/worst farts.

 

I'd love to hear about your best/worst farts, smelliest, loudest or most embarrassing, preferably all three.

 

All good things

 TDA

[Bandit 4freekin20]

I cant take credit for my dog's special skills but he pulled a Dutch Oven a couple weeks back that my wife and I are still talking about.

 

He had a dinner of fried eggs and graded cheese mixed in with lamb flavored kibble.

He came to bed as usual and made his way under the covers. Later that night with the ac on we were all cuddled up under the blankets and he let it rip.

I can still taste the vial odor spawned in Hell.

We were gagging and dry heaving. All he did was roll over with balls to the wind and started snoring again.

Lesson learned now...When my dog gets under the covers, proceed with caution

[Dekay]

As this is almost an official record it has been told before but me and my young daughter were skipping down a streeet when I farted one skip, two skip, thirteen times in all with every skip passed many neighbours, tell you I should have been carrying the olympic torch for full effect, as I made a whole group of people go urgh in a maximised area of fart coverage never seen before.

[Horse Badorties]

My farts usually smell like roses, on the other hand, Ms H's smell like something the devil and a possum spawned, so we usually don't fart together. But this one time, we went to a really nice party where they had a keg of some really tasty brew. We both did our part in helping make sure they didn't have to carry any extra weight back when they returned the keg... okay maybe we did the part of some others, too, we're humanitarians, what can I say.

 

Anyway, we both woke up that night to what sounded like machine guns firing underwater, and the bed sheet levitating, and no I didn't have a boner at that moment. Luckily, the windows were closed, because after we both passed out again, I'm sure we would have floated off to Neverland. We later found out that beer was called Pixie Dust... ha, Butt Dust was more like it! Did make that woody last extra long, though.

[Sprink]

I don't fart any more, but I used to do some rip-snorters as a lad

 

They were like old cabbage mixed with farmyard, drains, rotting comfrey & dead rats.

 

Oh the memories

 

 

[captain beefheart]

well dude forget a fart bach..........i was in brean sands 1 year with marge in a caravan throughout the 1 day i ate 18 pickled eggs straight up 18 in a day,after a few cans of special brew that evening i felt terrible growling in my guts bach yep it was wind !!!  heres the best bit i took a slug from me tinny and BURPED like   the R101 crashing to earth the fukin smell bach that came out of my mouth was horendous.......ewe swared i swallowed 5 boxs of iron tablets i reckon i could av lite the fuka marge legged it outside,i only had the 1 burp but it fukin howled summit like a shit house @ glastobury day 4     looking back i must have had a bard guts ennit.

[Mrs Willy]

I was first to Take GCSE's. That generation. anyways, it meant an english oral exam, about if you can speak in front of the class. This was form 5.

So i am 5th in line at front and number 3 is doing their speaking bit in front of class. I nudge my mate next to me as i know i have a noisy ripper in there. So i let it out full force and its a loud sports exhaust job.

Enough for whole class to burst out laughing for a good 5 mins and interrup the exam.

Teacher kicked me out and i never did my speech.

Exam Result = borderline pass. So they didnt fail me.

 

[mrsDeeks]

I dont fart, i let out little unicorn rainbow puffs of sweet smelling roses

[Horse Badorties]

I dont fart, i let out little unicorn rainbow puffs of sweet smelling roses

 

That's what Ms H says, too. She also says hers are gift wrapped because she really gives a shit about me... I think she's leading me on.
 

[Budgie]

I've just woken myself up, startled with what must have been a thunderous fart. It's an odd one. I thought at first it was simply a nightmare type awakening, but the smell.....the smell! I just had to crawl out of that room for a bit of fresh.